


Our Own Personal Hell

by thefrenchmistake



Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, F/M, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Post-Season/Series 01, Secret Relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-08
Updated: 2020-02-08
Packaged: 2021-02-28 03:55:43
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,095
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22617502
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thefrenchmistake/pseuds/thefrenchmistake
Summary: And then, when it’s all over, she crawls on her knees back to the dark corners of her personal hell.If only they knew.
Relationships: Skye | Daisy Johnson/Grant Ward
Comments: 6
Kudos: 52





	Our Own Personal Hell

She runs, she takes cover, she aims, she shoots; she reports back, she trains, she showers; she lays down and tries to sleep even as the faces of the people she shot display before her eyes. The night passes.

Reset. Repeat.

And then, when it’s all over, she crawls on her knees back to the dark corners of her personal hell. She throws down her golden crown carved with bullets and blood, stomps on it without a care for the expectations and admirative glances the base throws her way when she walks by.

If only they knew.

And Heaven, her corner of hell is better than all her dreams, full of avid lips biting hers and burning touches leaving scorches on her skin. This, this is what she is, in the shadows cast in this little, dirty room of a motel downtown, or in the sunlight corridor where she’s caged against a wall, or in the moonlight, on the balcony of a luxury hotel when they feel like playing fancy.

Now, there are supernovas dancing under her skin, black holes running in her bloodstream and she doesn’t know how to keep from imploding and swallowing everyone.

He is the one she doesn’t have to worry about. Because, in the end, she always knew she was going to lose him.

It doesn’t make it better.

So she ignores the stolen kisses he lands on her hair when he thinks she’s asleep, the murmured confession in the crook of her neck when they drink too much, the soft curve of his smile when she puts his shirt on, the warmth of his laughter when she says something funny.

It’s as if he’s building worlds as he touches her, making foundations shake under his fingertips. Worlds where they can laugh freely and smile and kiss without caring who sees, worlds where they don’t have to watch over their shoulder, where he was never a traitor; worlds where they take walks and visit museums and he takes her hand and holds her close like they’ll never part, where all seems possible and the feeling in her chest is not pain nor regret but love; worlds where she can sleep at night without her mother’s fingers carving themselves in her cheeks, without her father’s bloody face haunting her, where he can smile like it wasn’t ripped form him, where he believes he is worth more than furious fists or burning cigarettes or kicks to the stomach.

He builds worlds where he is more than what was done to him by his family, by Garrett, by Shield, and where she can begin to love with her entire heart because she’s not damaged by abandonment issues.

And for a few hours, a few days, she believes, she believes with all her might.

But all good things are ephemeral in their real world, and all things have to end.

For them, it ends in a sunlit room with her laughter still echoing on the walls and his smile more honest than ever.

And then it just downs on her. She doesn’t know why, but she knows this has to come to an end because she’s Shield, one of the top ranked agents, and she is Coulson’s daughter figure and if he knew, if he knew…

Suddenly, she doesn’t laugh. Suddenly, his smile shatters. Suddenly, the room seems much darker even as the sun still makes his irises glow like amber.

Grant reads her better than anyone (hell, she’s been hiding their secret for months on hand and nobody noticed) and so he simply nods before she even chokes the words out. Skye, still naked under the sheets, watches him pick up his clothes and put them on, each layer tearing something from her heart.

“Grant…”

He shakes his head.

“Grant, please…” she says, but her throat closes up and she doesn’t know what she wants to say anyway.

“I knew this was coming,” he answers. “I knew it, I… I’m just surprised it lasted this long, to be honest. But whatever.”

His voice breaks and so does her heart, and she can’t tear her eyes from him, going around the room to gather his things.

“I’m sorry.”

“I am, too.”

He looks at her then, and she looks so small in this bed, between the sheets that must still smell of them, he can’t believe she has powers that could destroy the world. And he’s not a man of many convictions, not a man of ideals an ideologies, but when Skye looks at him this way… Yeah, this, he could go to war for (and he did; that’s when everything went to shit).

Skye has a heart that’s too good for such powers, for Shield, for him, so Grant just smiles sadly at her.

“I hope you can find your way, Skye. You shouldn’t live your life by Shield’s rules, especially when it takes such a toll on you.”

He has said this to her before of course, when she wakes up crying and fighting against the ghosts of the people she killed; he has said it to her with so much conviction she believed there was another path for her.

Grant makes her believe in things.

But now, it hits her more than ever before, because she’s watching him break in front her eyes and she feels herself collapse and yet, she knows she has to do this because if they’re found out, he’s dead (why, why, it’s not fair, is it ?).

And then, she thinks for the first time that maybe, just maybe, this job takes from her far more than it has given her. But Grant is already in the doorway, his back slumped and a broken smile on his face when he turns around.

“I’m sorry,” she says again, because she doesn’t know what else to say.

“If you ever find a way out, I’ll be there,” he promises.

She tries to smile, but doesn’t manage it. So, this is how it ends (but not quite; not quite).

Grant doesn’t know what hurts more. Maybe it’s the fact that he turns his back on her and leaves. Maybe it’s the fact that he hears her sob before the door is even closed. Maybe it’s the fact that, despite this and two broken hearts, she lets him go.

But it shouldn’t be surprising, after all.

They were never supposed to get a happy ending.

(He doesn’t know yet that it will all end in blood and screams and a bullet in his head while she splits the world in two)

**Author's Note:**

> I am still so bitter at the way the writers handled his character, it's so annoying. Ward was a very complex and interesting character, and turning him into the villain just for the sake of it really pissed me off.   
> Anyway, more of those two to come, that's for sure, but for now, hope you enjoyed !


End file.
